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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I agree that you and DH need to work out a compromise.  Tell him that you understand that she won't change, and that you accept that fact--and that your natural reaction to it is not to want to spend time around her.  DH has his way of coping, but that doesn't need to be your way.  I think you set some limits--how much time you're willing to spend with her--and then let DH be free to see her without you, possibly or possibly not taking the kids.

So, perhaps you compromise that you'll spend time with her around one major holiday a year (Thanksgiving or Christmas), but otherwise you'd prefer he see her separately for the other holiday.  Perhaps you'll attend one family dinner a month, but otherwise it's on him.

DH is basically asking you to do the hard work of facilitating his relationship with his mom and your kids.  That's not your job...that's his job. It's his mom. So, along with reduced time, let all communication with her go through DH.  Let him figure out birthday and Christmas presents.  You might be able to handle smaller amounts of time together if DH takes the bulk of the responsibility for it.

I agree with a PP that a counselor might be helpful for this process.[/quote]

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