Reply to Views/Differences on Education for Children is Causing Rift in Marriage

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[quote=Anonymous]DH and I come from two different educational backgrounds, and this is starting to impact our respective views on how best to educate our elementary-aged and pre-school aged children. It never was an issue for us while we were dating and with young children, but now is really starting to cause a lot of tension in our marriage because we cannot get on the same page/team about it.

For example, My family has always valued education above everything. Both parents have advanced degress/PhDs, and we always lived in the best public school districts (despite my parents having a smaller home and driving older cars). My parents, while not wealthy, believed that they would find a way to support us "wherever our brains would take us." This meant taking out loans for private schools and private undergrads. My siblings and I all now have advanced degrees/PhDs, and feel like this is the appropriate approach to take with our children. By contrast, DH's family put other priorities ahead of education, e.g., house size, quality of life, etc. Neither of his parents have advanced degrees (one doesn't have a college degree), and neither does DH. His parents drove new/nice cars, took frequent vacations, and lived in large nice home in a not-so-great school district. I realize that neither approach is right or wrong, and families can do what they want. But there is a stark contrast between our values and I just cannot find compromise. Again, this was never an issue before our children reached school age. But now reality is setting in.

Right now we are being caught in this frustrating situation.  We live in an area where the public schools are not good at all (I mean, BAD), and most families we know who value education are either moving or sending their children to private school. DH does not want to spend the money on private school for elementary school because he doesn't think it's worth it at that age, e.g., "all Kindergarten is the same; why waste money?" And he isn't keen on moving to a better school district because we cannot afford the kind of house we want/need in closer-in MoCo or N.VA, and will end up need to purchase a fixer-upper, something smaller without any yard, or make serious cutbacks.  I am willing to make these sacrificies, but he is not. We discussed moving out further from the city to get better schools (e.g., Gaithersburg, Burke, Clifton, Oakton), but DH will not compromise on a commute that requires being outside of the Beltway. I feel like i just cannot win!

FWIW, we are a two-income household and both WOH full-time. My salary is higher than DH's, but I cannot afford $30k/year private school on my own. But I cannot get him on board to even consider looking or applying.

Has anyone been in this situation before? How did your resolve it? I am finding that this is a fundamental value, e.g., educating our children, that I am not willing to compromise on. If I SAH, then I could easily supplement our sub-par public schools, but working full-time makes that almost impossible. And private school season/tours/applications are NOW, and DH will not even go with me to look at any of those options. Advice, please?????

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