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[quote=Anonymous]OP, your post reminded me to be grateful that we don't have any extended family in the area.  Like you, I love my sibs, S/BILs, nieces and nephews, cousins, etc. spouses, their kids, but I am most grateful on T-day for our quirky, laid-back, just the five of us holiday tradition.  (We cook, take the dog to the park, play poker -- actually my extended family always did that -- and watch a movie.  It's fabulous -- we've been doing it since our youngest was born and she's a junior in HS now.)

That said, you're here now, so you've got to make the best of it.  First, let go of the food thing.  Really, I mean this as someone who loves to cook and eat, and who worships at the altar of Julia, Marcella, Alice, Diana and Nigella.  You cannot impose your aesthetic preferences on others if you're not willing/able to host and cook it all yourself. Remember, that on Friday or on Saturday or even on Sunday you can cook your own preferred menu for just you, DH and the kids.

Second, you've got to recruit folks to pitch in at clean-up time.  Sure, be lighthearted about it, but be firm too -- it's not fair for one person to do 80% of the clean-up

Third, don't go for the whole afternoon and evening (as a kid, I recall that this was the worst part of extended family holidays).  Instead, figure out what the maximum amount of time is that you can put up with the craziness and the minimum that you can stay without insulting or hurting anyone's feelings.  Set your time of departure, tell your hosts in advance what that is, and then stick to it.  Blame the kids' sports or HW schedules, offer your profuse excuses and bountiful thanks and just head back over the river and through the woods to your very own house, where you can put your feet up and watch west coast football (and may I just take this opportunity to say:  GO STANFORD; BEAT CAL!!!)

Finally, be sure to find other, less fraught times during the year when you can gather with extended family (in small doses).  Those times, too, can become a tradition that your kids will cherish.  [/quote]

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