Reply to Not looking forward to T-giving and Christmas with inlaws/dad's wife

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[quote=Anonymous]Its very hard to deal with the holidays at times because since my mother died 20 years ago, I have not had a normal acting extended family member.

My father is on his second and probably final wife after my moms death and she controls his time to the extend that he never is allowed to visit me and my 7 year old daughter. We have to come there and then all his time is accounted for. Ive caught her listening in on phone conversations with my dad. Not confronting her- there is no point as I will be villified. MY dad who was a liberal is now a mcCain/Palin bumpersticker sportin republican: because she is. Listens to Rush Limbaugh. Because she does.

My DH's parents are superficial, judgemental and spread /exchange made up judgmental stories to DH's sister about me and DH and our kid. I recently confronted SIL on the fact that I found out DH was physically abused and really emotionally badly neglected and essentially thrown under the bus emotionally as a kid. She didnt know. But in the end, she is a judgemental b**** who does not actually care.

DH is recovering from depression and addiction and just wants to stop being angry about everything and play nicey nice with everyone. That is what I do with my dad, so I understand. My dad at one point turned on me too when I pointed out his first wife after my mom died was up to no good. She wasnt. She ripped him off to te tune of thousands of dollars. But I have forgiven him and so I do understand DHs point.

Its just:Im Not Looking Forward To The Holidays and needing to be around phoniness. All for what? (sigh).

Am considering bailiing on Thanksgiving at either place by having our own here. And then bailing on Christmas in some form. Last year we went to three different Xmas dinners.... I have no problem putting my foot down under normal circumstances but because of DH's now stable state and expressing the desire for no friction I dont mind just playing along this time around. Might be just the ticket. Let everyone who wants to be an a-hole be an a-hole. I am not their keeper.

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