Reply to How do you get over a fear of someone you can't get away from?

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[quote=Anonymous]Long story, but I'm having to deal with someone in my life that I am absolutely terrified of. Legally, I cannot cut this person off, although I have drawn very strict boundaries, which have helped somewhat. There is a history of abuse - sexual, mental, emotional, everything short of leaving marks. This person disappears for 6-12 months at a time, then shows up randomly right when I'm dealing with other stress (which is a coincidence as they have no way of knowing what is going on in my life).

Every time this person communicates with me, I physically shake, I cry, I want to throw up, my heart races, I get cold sweats, the whole nine yards. I am [i]tired [/i]of reacting like this. I have been to therapy, the rational part of my brain knows that this person cannot and will not do anything to hurt me, that I am justified in standing my ground against ridiculous demands . . . but I am still so scared of standing up for myself. I can do it if the other person violates the court order, but in the gray areas, I wimp out.

I hate feeling so weak and emotional. I am not a weak, wishy-washy person, but just seeing that email address in my inbox cuts me down immediately. I have a wonderfully supportive family and partner, but I can tell they are frustrated with my reaction and inability to just deal with it. I need to find a way to be rational and practical again. Without telling this person off, as that would just make the situation worse (but is something I have fantasized about).

How do you tap into that "fight" reflex? My instinct is to freeze and it doesn't work. [/quote]

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