Reply to just not sure I can do it - semi rant/dump. Maybe will help someone feel less alone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem is that the trust in the relationship has been destroyed.  You can't recapture that, I don't think.  How can you believe that a repeated liar is no longer a liar?  I couldn't do it so I divorced him.

I decided what my ex was missing was ethics, and I could not be married to an unethical person.  Didn't know about his ethical problems until times got tough, and his choices were really disappointing.  [/quote]

OP here. Sorry to hear this. Yes, I can see what you mean. ITs when times get tough that things are revealed. When times got tough, DH got angry. That was just weird. It was even weirder to learn this was a symptom of depression.

I have to still kind of figure out whether DH has an ethical problem or a compulsion problem brought about by a dysfunctional childhood (new details revealed recently) depression and an inability to deal with stress. I think only therapy can produce this answer. The good news is that it has been the presence of our daughter  and her now 7 year old super aware self that seems to have prompted him to face up to really calling things for what they are: addiction, compulsion, what have you, and take responsibility. THIS is BRAND NEW. As in, two weeks old. Problem is: is it real? Only time will tell.

But yes, I am wondering if this is in fact an ethics issue and DH has made disappointing choices. If he is NOT at his core unethical, just behaviorally a mess and needs some cognitive adjustments to align himself with what he feels is his true self, then there is some hope.

Its just not a knowable thing at this time. [/quote]

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