Reply to just not sure I can do it - semi rant/dump. Maybe will help someone feel less alone

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[quote=Anonymous]Hey 13:51. OP here. Thank you. Yes you totally get it. I appreciate the support and thankfully have found plenty here in other posts. And yes Ive posted about 8 times over as many weeks. Each time something new is added.

I had that same cool non threatening very collected conversation with DH about the explosive rage issues last November. It took till February for him to actually get help. Then the meds sort of worked, then they stopped working, etc.

You are spot on about the minute to minute changes of stance. THe cofusion is created by the arc of it too- in the beginning there were not these things, and then they developed into problems, but the derpression and anger, once that kicked in, kind of drowned everything else out. Now that the depression is somewhat under control and the rage is definitely more under control, there is a hashing out going on of what has been taking place.

Unlike what PP thinks, it was not 20 years of a miserable marriage, but rather 20 years of very small things spaced pretty far apart growing into much bigger and stranger things closer together, but very gradually, while depression came in, piled rage on top  and then took the bottom out from everything.

I think PP's projection about codependence is hilarious. But it speaks to what popular psychology and armchair psychologists with degrees from google university conjecture about humans and motivations. Those of us who are actually dealing with the real problems, however, have to work a lot harder than PP with her very odd attempt at somehow finding fault with with everyone.

This living stuff is hard. And deciding who is worth supporting and who is not is not easy and cut and dry. Also, people change over time. I know DH has evolved in certain ways, and those would have helped him a lot easler. At the time we decided to have a kid he had a few solid years of being very much like the guy I married. It was the economy tanking and his business suffering that really took its toll. That is when things got strange.

I do believe that DH is having a kind of breakthrough, and is for the FIRST time really owning his problems, and seeing them conprehensively. But its just really fresh and I cant tell if it will stick.

Interestingly, the nasty stupid responses here seem focused on making eother DH or me or both of us to be terrible fucked up people. The reality is, the more people I talk to about this, the more I find that many people are in fact experiencing this problem.

Porn addiction is a relatively new problem brought on by the ease of access, for example. Therapists deal with it all the time- and the reluctance of people to treat is as an addiction while others see porn in general as some grave sin combine to make it really difficult for those of us actually coping with it to find support. But when I have posted about it, I find those dealing with it, and its painful and stubborn like any other addiction, and it has a range like all other addictions. There is the 5 beers after work drnk and the binge blackout drunk. Not the same kind of drunk. And not the only two kinds.[/quote]

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