Reply to How to help sister (without losing my mind)

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How to help sister (without losing my mind)"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Long story short(ish):

My sister was married for 7 years to a decent guy.  Two children.  He came home one day and told her he wasn't happy.  They split (youngest was 5mos old at this point).  My parents completely picked up the pieces - financially, emotionally, etc.  Between my parents contributions (well-off but certainly not as well-off as the money they were bleeding to her every month) and child/spousal support, my sister was able to stay in her home and not have to work FOR THREE YEARS.  My sister found a boyfriend on match.com, things were good for almost two years.  My parents get tired of raising her children/paying mortgages while she continued to rack up debt on clothes/toys/parties.  They reduce their funding- she gets a job (7 years after becoming a SAH).  Things go sour with boyfriend b/c she cheats on him with a co-worker.  She goes back on match.com - meets a legit millionaire.  Things are good, other than he's a total condescending prick.  She is living the life- two country club memberships, huge house, 3 carat ring, the works.  They break up in July.  He offers her a "severance" package- luxury SUV title in her name, paid camps for the kids for the remainder of the summer, a year's salary (90k) to do nothing and 6 months health insurance.  Then- they get back together.

Shiz just hits the fan again- she's been texting an ex-boyfriend and he's been googling some questionable adult material.  Here's the real issue: I resent her.  To hell and back.  I'm ten years younger (28), settled with a decent job and good marriage.  I have a toddler who is awesome.  We live in a small house in a good neighborhood.  When things were going well with Mr. Money, she rarely had time for me other than to complain about having to find her bathing suits in the back of her closet b/c of her latest trip to the Carribean.  Now, she's calling me constantly, crying, etc.  Where will she live?  She doesn't want to get a job!  I DON'T UNDERSTAND.  After three years of rebuilding her life she CAN'T go through this again.

I told her she needs to get herself together.  When this happened back in July (over the holiday weekend), we rushed 3 hours south and helped out with her kids while she lay in bed in an anxiety med zombie state.  She lived with my parents and the strain it put on the two of them was awful- my parents ended up basically doing everything for her sweet kiddos.  She keeps crying about how awful this is- I get it.  She doesn't have a job, a source of income, ANYTHING that's hers.  She and her children (now 8 and 4) have quickly become used to this lifestyle.  I told her I love her and support her but that this time around I can't rush down to play with her kids, I can't reserve every other weekend (when her kids are with their dad) for her, I can't listen to my Mom cry and my Dad can't pay for everything for her while she takes her time getting a job.  She screamed at me about how perfect my life is and that was the last straw.  My husband and I work hard, live VERY modestly and have had our fair share of troubles lately- mainly in the form of a late missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago that has completely devestated me.  She sent me a Sephora gift box of bubble bath to express her condolences.  I'm mad- my parents have spent the last 3 years taking care of her and I had just gotten back to a good place with them- they live about a half hour apart from my sister and because they spent so much time devoted to her kids, they didn't spend much time caring about my wedding, spending time with my DD, etc.

Is tough love the answer? Do I completely cut her off?  I can't stand to think of that, but I have a lot going on right now and this is the result of her making POOR CHOICES AGAIN.  I just can't handle her moaning and groaning.  I feel awful and want to help but it feels like I just spend my time picking up her pieces and then listening to my parents hurt and hurt and hurt for her.  I just don't know how to help her without losing my DAMN MIND.  Thoughts?![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics