Reply to How do you know when there is no chance of things changing in a marriage

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[quote=Anonymous]My DH had a full blown affair. I thought it was what you described, but turned out it was physical as well as emotional, and it lasted over a year (affairs can be hard to "catch" but they are often off and on. They were both married with kids and "tried" to stop many times, and would go weeks without contact etc., but then start up again). Anyway, until you've fully dealt with an affair, you would never say something so silly as to say that he is staying for the kids and stability. Sorry, but it sounds like you aren't really truly dealing with it. There is no stability after an affair, and trying to rebuild a marriage is hell.on.earth. So that is how I knew my husband was in for the long haul - I did every thing possible to make him leave, but with the help of individual and marriage counseling and the support of our families we got to the stable part.

It sounds like you aren't really dealing with things. It is very painful, but if you want to move forward and have a chance at real intimacy, you both need to face the pain of what happened, why your marriage was vulnerable (not saying it was your fault, but I am betting you missed some signs and you both did some justifying of actions) and what you can do to change, you have to do the work. Are you absolutely sure the thing with the woman is over? That you know all the details? Stay strong OP. [/quote]

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