Reply to Naming a guardian is turning into a giant argument

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You know, I think it's something you don't need to do.  There's no way (for most people) to have this conversation without both parents judging each other's families to some extent.  We discussed it years ago (when our kids were under 5) but ended up dropping the subject.  We kind of agreed that naming someone might seem a rebuttal to the others (after we'd passed) and also, we felt it really depends who feels they want to take it on - and that is not something worth discussing with other family members.  If something happened to you guys, I'm sure you have enough family to work out what's best for your kids and who can manage it.  I think people try to micromanage too much something that probably will never happen.  That's my 2 cents, anyway.[/quote]

^this is terrible advice.  please make a will so that this does NOT have to go to the court and does not leave 2 families to "duke" it out over the kids - or worse yet, leave 2 families to NOT step up to the plate.  deaths tear families apart all of the time re: guardianship and $ issues.  i know, it has happened in my family.

clearly, you need to find a compromise.  when sober, talk to your DH about whose parenting style you admire.  it can be ANYBODY - friends, cousins, etc.  if you agree on one couple, that may be your answer.  you do need to discuss with whomever you choose before you name them in your will.  being surprised by guardianship is NOT the way to start.

as an aside, does your DH have friends?  because it sounds like he doesn't like a lot of people in your collective lives?

the other thing i have seen people do is that each spouse, in their own will (and by the way each spouse DOES have their own will) name their own guardian because they just cannot agree.  so two guardians are named and those two people will work out with the court the guardianship moving forward.  it is NOT perfect but it is much better than naming nobody and giving the court and/or family total power to decide.

signed,

DW to a lawyer who has a will[/quote]

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