Reply to Naming a guardian is turning into a giant argument

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[quote=Anonymous]You need to have this conversation with the best interests of your child at heart. It's going to be hard. And in my opinion, you should tell your family who you have decided on, having it be a surprise would be horrible when they're dealing with your deaths.

We figured out what we wanted for our child. We wanted her life to be disrupted as little as possible. That meant we could only choose relatives who would move to her, since we have no local relatives. Boom, our decision was made. There are back ups, but they would require more disruption of our child's life. When we told our relatives, we explained that our primary concern was that our child's life not be disrupted any more than it would be from the deaths of her parents, and that one relative fit the bill and didn't have major negatives. The other relatives might think they have more pros or cons in other areas, but they accept they would be less likely to move to our child.

If there were no acceptable choices who would move to our child, we might have made "keep child and pets together" as a requirement, and gone through the list to see who was capable of doing that. Or "raise the child with a love of [whatever]" and so on.

I suspect if you make a list of what you want for your child and rank it, you'll be able to avoid insulting each others relatives. It doesn't matter if SIL is an empty headed jerk, if she can't move to your kid. Or if BIL is a self-involved dork if he's allergic to dogs. Or if MIL is a racist freak if she hates the [whatever] that is important to your family.

I also wouldn't rule out grandparents, like some previous posters have suggested. Our first choice is a grandparent. While she's certainly getting older, so is our child, and even 10 years after we named her, she'd be the best guardian. It's possible that will cease to be true as we get into the teen years, but we'll revisit the issue if need be.[/quote]

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