Reply to too long to detail- but outraged at DH's family's treatment of him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How long have you been with your DH?

How old is your child?

I don't want to project on you too much, but my ex's background with his family is exactly as your describe. He became physically abusive to me as our child got older. He continued to play out his childhood with our family. Agree with the PP. Counseling ASAP. [/quote]

So sorry to hear this. Thanks for your concern. We have been to counseling over the years and DH is currently under treatment. He has never been physically abusive. Our child is 7. We have been married about 20 years. I have known him now for most of my life-we were childhood friends. We met when I was 13 and he was 16.

I could easily see how anyone with any natural tendencies towards agression would be ill fated in this type of environment. Its really a crapshoot as to how people respond to stresses. My dad was beaten regularly in foster care, but he never beat me. I seem to recall one or two of the most half hearted attempts at a slap known to mankind. But it just was not part of his character.

Im so sorry to hear of your situation. Its certainly scary. Its crossed my mind that maybe one day DH would be that way- something that hurts him terribly. But me telling him that this thought HAD to cross my mind was important for him to hear. I dont think he has any idea how bad it got, and the depression really took its toll on him and us.

The GOOD news is we have been having a lot of breakthrough conversations about this whole family dynamic and how it has impaired him in terms of being in a marriage. Ive always noticed he doenst see pattenrs of behavior and externalizes absolutely everything as a matter of course. But hopefully now we can get him the RIGHT kind of therapy and he may need to get one of those full behavioral/personality evals to just nail down what he has going on.

PP are you and your child now safe? I hope so. Im so sorry to hear. How heartbreaking....

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