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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, I wonder what he would say about her. It's tough to put yourself in the shoes of the other spouse. Is he just kicking back with free time? If so, then absolutely he should pick up some of what OP is doing. If his time is also occupied by non-leisure activities, then the couple just has too much on their plate; needs to prioritize and, to some extent, suck it up and realize that life with new kids is hard.

Red flags go up in my mind when someone talks about what they "deserve". A lot of times it's accurate; but a lot of times it's more of an overactive sense of entitlement. I think I "deserve" sex more than three times a month by way of appreciation for all I do for the family. But that's not the way it works. If I'm doing good things - but not the sorts of things that makes my wife feel attracted - that appreciation is not going to happen.

Similarly if OP is working her ass off at tasks that OP's husband doesn't regard as mission critical, appreciation is less likely. E.g. "I baked cupcakes from scratch!" Yes, it's work. And yes, it's for the family. But: a) we could have done without baked goods; and b) it's not a huge deal if it comes out of a box. (That's just an example, a lot of women go into Super Mommy mode to an extent that's not strictly necessary and in a way that ends up being detrimental to themselves and to their relationship with their husbands.) [/quote]

Well said!!!  I'm a mom/wife and the cupcake example really applied to me.  I realized I was doing things that weren't "mission critical" (love it) and resenting my husband for not realizing how hard I was working to do them.  He finally sat me down and basically said "look, you are the one who is deciding that when we have people over for dinner everything has to be made from scratch and be multi courses and to the nines.  Our friends, and me, are just as happy with take out or a simple meal.  Please stop taking it out on me because you are choosing to spend 5 hours in the kitchen and I don't think it is fair that you then get mad at me."  And he was right.  Made a HUGE different in our marriage. [/quote]

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