Reply to FTM Question about Forcing a Toddler to Get Dressed

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Reply to "FTM Question about Forcing a Toddler to Get Dressed"

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[quote=Anonymous]This is probably a temporary thing and will pass for a little while before returning when the full-on "terrible twos" hit.  However, that doesn't make it any easier!

I read once that children who feel securely attached to their parents/caregivers are more likely to throw tantrums and be argumentative (i.e. they know their parents/caregivers will still love them and be there despite their behavior).  I always tell myself this when things get tough.  :)

Your DD is getting to that age where she wants to be able to do things herself and make her own choices but often can't do the things she wants to do yet, and it's frustrating to her.  I think it's in the "Happiest Toddler on the Block" that it says toddlers are on the losing end all day long, so no wonder they're frustrated.  Imagine if you couldn't reach the things you wanted, someone told you not to do the things you wanted to do, and someone hauled you around without regard for your desires to do something else!

Obviously, we can't change these things, but I think it helps to just focus on giving the child as much responsibility and autonomy as he/she can handle and being consistent and firm.  There's nothing wrong with what you did in dressing your DD, but I think it's good to try out different options and see what might work.

One helpful thing is often to make a routine and/or to add a song or something else to make it fun.

Giving choices is a great option, but obviously, it doesn't always work (as you found).

Oftentimes it works to involve your LO in the process of doing something, making him/her feel important and like they are doing something.  For example, you could tell your DD that she needs to get dressed.  Then you could tell her that you're going to help her but that she is going to get dressed herself.  Then, instead of putting her arms and head through her shirt, etc., hold it out so SHE can put her arms through, etc.  You will probably have to wait a minute or two before she does what you have asked, but she may do it.  My LO often runs off for a minute to do something else, but if I keep holding out a shirt (or whatever it is) and firmly remind him that it's time to get dressed, he comes back usually and happily gets dressed.

I've also heard the philosophy that you tell the kids what they CAN do and not what they CAN'T do.  So, gently saying something like, "DD, you may put on your shirt now."  And repeating this firmly until she does it (or you intervene and tell her you are going to help her do this).

If she's doing something she doesn't want to stop doing to get dressed, you could tell her that she can do whatever it is one more time and then has to get dressed.  This tends to work well with my DS -- he'll fight doing whatever I've asked him to do, but if I tell him he can finish playing with whatever he has one more time and then I calmly let him do that and even engage with him in a fun manner during it, then he often is much more responsive to doing what he needs to do afterwards.  I think this kind of "previewing" maybe also helps them feel a little bit in control and knowledgeable about what to expect next.

I also think you have to work on consistency.  If you say, "You have to get dressed," then you have to stay on task and follow through with it -- not leave and let her do something and then come back (unless you told her you would let her play for one more minute or something).

Finally, I find that I'm usually in much more of a hurry than my DS is.  It takes longer for them to process things than it does adults, and they don't always know how to respond next.  Sometimes we rush to say the next thing or grab a child to dress them because we think they aren't responding to our calls, when in reality, they are just processing more slowly and might come over when they fully understand the situation.  I don't think this is the case with your DD, but it's always helpful to remember to slow down a little.  We parents are always in a hurry![/quote]

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