Reply to IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?

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Reply to "IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My DH of almost 20 years has ADD. He had a porn addiction (I say "had" becuase he of course denies it was an addiction, though it clearly was and now he seems to be not engaging in this addiction for the present time). He has a problem with speeding. He always seemed immature in his reactions to basic things in the relationship like even having clarity on himself or why he does things the way he does. He used to do drugs, mostly weed but also some acid, some cocaine, some hash in his early adulthood before  we married.

We met when I was 13 and he was 16. So we go back a long ways. However it is not until well into marriage, and after the economy tanked and his stress level went through the roof, that he had rage outbursts that got personal, with him close to my face with raised fist, for which he would apologize later. He would say he would get help and then back out. His way of distorting events and seemingly not having a central set of consistent ideals to which he could adhere, or, if he failed to, understand why, has been really apparent to me.

Eventually he did agree to treatment was diagnosed with depression/add, but has been minimally responsive to medication and seems to get nowhere with his doctors. I am now beginning to think that when he goes there he is reporting inaccurately.

I met with my new therapist today and she proposed, from my description, the possibility of borderline personality disorder. While some elements dont quite fit, enough do to make me go, well, basically "oh god."

Trouble is, I went in there today from a place of "Ive had it- I am done." with his patterns. She said she was presenting this to me as a way of possibly making sense of what I am seeing, and being able to beless confounded.

Anyone dealt with this diagnosis? There is so much more to tell but I cant now. I really just want ot know about this possible diagnosis and if I can ever behappy in this marriage again. Im alternating between thinking it was always disappointing and it just got really worse, to knowing we love each other and maybe if he tries to overcome this, he can. He seems to want to keep the family together, but I just dont know if he is up to the gargantuan task ahead, and if I would be.

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