Reply to Today I forgave my husband for cheating on me...AMA

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP, you sound very young. Why is someone weak for forgiving a spouse? A person can still have self-respect. Everything isn't as simple as "Well, I'll divorce him."  They have a child. Do you? That changes everything.

Forgiveness does not mean that you tell the person that it was okay for cheating on you. I've watched my sister and her husband go through hell to move past his infidelity. They have been going through extensive therapy. Was he a jerk for cheating on her? Absolutely. I am the first person to tell you what an absolute jackass he was for what he did.  And with time and hard work on BOTH their parts, it turns out the infidelity was a symptom of some pretty significant issues with my BIL that he is now addressing.

My sister is one of the strongest people you will ever meet. She has a son who needs both a strong mother AND father. With a great deal of work, he will have both. 
[/quote]

Thank you for this. I am also several months past finding out about my husband's affair and we are working on things, and our marriage is getting stronger and better. It takes so much strength to stay - for us both frankly - it would be easier for my husband to have left as well and tried to find another woman he didn't have this baggage with. We have two small children and a long history, and he has been amazing not just with me and our marriage, but in repairing the relationship with his father, a more attentive, better father, a better man.

Affairs are often about escape and avoiding dealing with reality, and the hard things you need to face about yourself, and in their wake, if both people are willing, you can come out stronger and learn what real intimacy and love is.

My only advice for OP is, to not be hard on yourself if you have days where you will regress. But I can relate to your feeling...there are definitely moments of clarity where you know you have turned a corner and made progress. The affair will always be there, it will always be unfair and horrible, but you can move on and let go.[/quote]

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