Reply to "Deprogramming" one's self

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Reply to ""Deprogramming" one's self - is it possible?"

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[quote=Anonymous]your husband claims he just wants to be heard, but the reality is that no one else is being heard. His anger is all consuming and you've twisted yourself around to accommodate it.  I don't see how you don't live in fear, walking on eggshells, trying to avoid confrontation. What about your kids?

Enough is enough. Your children should not grow up scared of a parent's sudden rage nor should they think that it is 1) okay to behave like this or 2) okay to tolerate this.

I have a husband who has had some anger issues. It has been a big issue in our marriage. He has tended in the past to fly off the handle and to get irrationally angry. He has never hit or threatened me, but I told him in no uncertain terms that his anger was abusive and that I would not tolerate it or allow our children to be exposed to it. He has sought help. We have a 'cool down' code where I let him know if he's approaching irrational anger (the problem with anger uncontrolled is you lose reason and perspective). At the same time, we both work harder on addressing the frustrations and resentments in our marriage so they don't explode. OUr marriage is far from perfect but DH has not crossed the line into verbal abuse since I made it clear there was zero tolerance for it.

The fact that your husband's anger is so much worse (larger responses to smaller things) is frightening, as is the fact that you've accommodated it for so long. It will be a tough road, but you need to change the situation now. [/quote]

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