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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you focus on trying to get everyone to contribute equally you are likely to waste your energy, create significant tension and stress in the family, and lose the battle.

This is a really common situation and you cannot make someone do something they are unwilling or unable to do.  It also isn't really fair to judge them based solely on money or child/marital status.

You need to find solutions for your mother's care that are more sustainable and stable than rotating long-distance sibling trade-offs.  Perhaps the less active sibling can help w/ housing research, long-term care research or conversations, etc...

Having been through this (with more than one generation) in my own family I would really counsel you to not waste your energy and time on focussing on who is doing what.  Focus on what your mother needs and how to set that up in a way that doesn't rely dangerously on people who are hours away.  If she won't move near (or in) with one of her children, then you need local care options in place for her.  Focus on that.

Good luck.[/quote]

I am one of six siblings.  During my mother's lengthy decline, I held the power of attorney and healthcare proxy and managed most of my mother's affairs (financial, doctor calls, clothing, toiletries, home health aide, etc.) from a distance - she lived about 10 hours away.  My sister, who was local, did a lot of footwork to keep her meds in order, food in the house, etc.

The other four did ... basically nothing.

My mother passed away two years ago.  I was and am at peace with how I handled her during her last years.  That is what matters to me.[/quote]

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