Reply to Is divorce ever NOT the answer?

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry this is happening to you, OP.

My most important piece of advice is that parents HAVE to work on their communication anyway when custody is shared, unless they want to spend their lives goading and inflicting petty revenges on each other through their kids. It can become so incredibly wearing and stressful.

So practice having a working relationship BEFORE divorce. First, put everything on the table and acknowledge that divorce is in your future. This agreement releases a lot of resentment and expectations. Many parents find that they can get along so much better with their spouse at that point. Then, work on improving your communication about your kids with the goal of being on the same page at best, or at least not completely at opposite poles of the spectrum! When and how to contact the other spouse, drop-off, pick-up, parenting philosophies, discipline, extra-curriculars, bedtime, pocket money, chores, curfew, etc - everything has to discussed.

I have seen this again and again with my divorced friends. They rush to divorce in a flurry of resentment and accusations, then find that they have significant problems surrounding shared parenting of their children because they never paused to consider that their issues stemmed from poor communication, and divorce does not cure that!

The added benefit of deliberately practicing healthy and respectful communication before divorce is of course potential reconciliation. It is not the goal, though. Divorce or reconciliation are not important, actually. It is responsibly sharing parenting that can make everybody much happier, regardless of whether the parents live together or not.

So first your husband has to be convinced of the above!
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