Reply to Is divorce ever NOT the answer?

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[quote=Anonymous]I feel very conflicted over what to do with my life. I have 2 young kids - 2 and 5. DH and I have been married for 9 years and things have been sour for a while. He was refusing therapy, but has finally acknowledged that his temper is violent and harmful. He agreed to see someone, but has made no effort to do so in the 3 weeks that has elapsed since admitting its a problem. After a frighteningly nasty fight where he pushed me to the ground, he apologized profusely - said how ashamed he was, went through his thought process to see how it came to that point, talked about how much his anger was hurting our kids - basically, he sounded sincere and as if he was ready to change. He wrote a vow that nothing like that would ever happen again, but after writing, he never showed me. He has a neurological condition (diagnosed by a neurologist and confirmed with another) that is associated with something called "intermittent explosive anger" (or disease? Can't recall). I have been told that the pushing was a result of this illness and its effects. Like I said, he said he would go to therapy.

In the past 3 weeks, I have seen him slip back to his old ways - simply being inconsiderate and unkind and very selfish.

A huge part of me wants out and thinks this will be better for the children.

But I have a nagging fear of how awful a divorce would be for them - so frightening and disruptive on their young lives. I also worry about how he will be with them - I don't think he would ever hurt them, but I think his anger is frightening and harmful in, and of, itself. I am their buffer.

We also know 2 children of divorce in my child's preschool - they both have serious behavioral issues and one, in particular, has such an air of sadness over her all the time- it breaks my heart.

I also think that he won't ever be out of my life. We would have to interact over everything, every little decision, everything... We would see each at child exchanges, at back to school nights, whatever. I have researched divorce and custody arrangements and it seems not only quite complicated, but it seems like you need to be quite civil towards one another to really make it work.

I truly don't want to be with anyone else; I don't see myself re-marrying and I worry that I will become lonely or too reliant on my children to fill my life.

I'm very close to my parents and they tell me not to divorce - for the sake of the children. They feel he treats me poorly - they don't know everything, but this has been going on a long time and he's treated them poorly, too. They also have said they will never recommend a divorce bc they don't want to influence me, so who knows what they really think?

Again, my biggest worry is my children. I love them. I want to be with them. I want to protect them.

I work ft at a highly prestigious job - trust me when I say you would be shocked if you knew my husband had physically abused me.
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