Reply to Fostering relationships with in laws that don't make an effort

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why are you trying to force a relationship with the parents of a man who abused you? Don't you realize that most abusers were abused by their parents? If they don't want a relationship with you or your kids, I see that as a good thing. Let it go.[/quote]

This.

Why do you want to pursue this? If they want to have some relationship with your child, let them make the first move. And even then, be very cautious. If they did not care about your marriage, why would they care about your child? If they appear to care about your child suddenly, I'd wonder, what do they really want here? And if they do approach you for some kind of contact, I would be very leery of them because they are likely to, as you yourself note, believe what your ex says about you -- and they could poison your kid's mind with that garbage.

OP, please sit down and really ask yourself, or better yet, maybe work short-term with a counselor to work through, why it means so much to you for your child to have a relationship with people with whom YOU have zero relationship and who are very possibly going to repeat negative things about you. Did you, yourself, grow up with close relatives/grandparents so you think of that as "normal" and want it for your child? Did you grow up with the opposite situation -- no close relatives/grandparents/uncles/aunts and you feel you missed out on something so you want it for your child? Neither of those is really a good reason to pursue a relationship based solely on the fact they are blood relations relatives of the abuser who fathered your child.

Find out why you care about this. Then build your own family of friends, people from whatever groups you belong to, etc. People who actually care.

Again, if this family starts getting in touch with you -- I would be very cautious about ever letting them see him alone. Or at all. Does your ex have some form of custody with you? Or not? It sounds as if he doesn't, or these people would see your child when your child sees dad.[/quote]

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