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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like depression on both sides. Give therapy a try before throwing in the towel. A lifetime built together is at least worth a few conversations. A breakdown in communication happens in every marriage now and then, but something worth having is worth making one more effort to confront your issues. Remember that any new relationship will eventually face the same challenges from time to time. Economic downturns cycle every eight to 11 years. Marriages suffer communications breakdowns in different life changes, particularly midlife, and under economic pressure. I'd take a different position if abuse, addiction or infidelity were involved, but it sounds like you might have something there still worth saving.

However, if you're hell bent on ending it (as opposed to having a bad day and still wanting an argument to give it one more try), beware and plan ahead very carefully before taking any steps. Financial realities also come to the surface in considering a move as drastic as divorce. Remember: women fair far worse in the aftermath of divorce financially. You have to be sure that you can support yourself and all children still under your roof. You need to be able to provide for your retirement and their college educations. You need to be able to get a job with a salary ample enough to pay for their educations, provide for your daily expenses of food, mortage, transportation, utilities and an emergency fund. You need to evaluate your assets so that you can achieve an equitable division of the household. Remember that he could remarry so you need a good lawyer who will assure that the divorce settlement guarantees that you get a share of his retirement plan spanning the many years of your marriage. The divorce lawyer will need a solid investigator to discover any hidden assets that your husband may have set aside for himself in case of a divorce and bring those assets back into the marital estate before final distribution.

And that's just a brief sample. He may end up just fine, but without a solid plan you may just wind up broke.

Now, are you still considering going through with this, or are you thinking about working it out first -- or at least going back to work first before walking out?

Just a reality check for you...[/quote]
OP here. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I am actually the husband. I kind of agree that a large portion of our shared problem is depression - tough times and not alot of fun. I take a low dosage for anti-anxiety and it seems to help. I have suggested that my wife consider the same and she demurs. Financially it is a stretch now and if we divorce we will have to sell the family home. That is probably the main reason I have not filed. My wife and I have discussed divorce. Granted my opinion but given her anger over business challenges, when we discuss it she tells me to sell the house (facetiously) as she knows I do not want to sell the family home while the kids are still home. I sometimes get the sense she knows she can be rough on me because I am somewhat stuck. She has been working incredibly hard to help keep us going. Previously she was a SAHM. Interestingly, now that she is back to work, we maintain separate finances. We are in tough spot; that does not matter. We should be taking the good with the bad and living our one live. By the time the good times come back there will not be anything of your relationship to salvage.[/quote]

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