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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you need to find a way to set up emergency savings that is an account with your name only. Do you have a job?[/quote]

OP here.  I do have a job.  And I do have a small savings in my name only.  We budget together as a couple and consider the savings ours both, though.  I actually created a category in our budget for $100 a month of [Stepson] Emergency Fund money knowing he'd be hitting us up for $ and that it would fester in my heart that he wasn't paying us back, so I just wrote off this $1200 in my mind, though we can scarcely afford it.  But he's blown through that.

DH and I have been married just over a year, and the only thing we have seriously fought about is this.  And the weird thing is, one of the reasons I want our marriage to succeed so much is that my DSS has no successful marriages in his life...every single grandparent, aunt, uncle, and even his mom's remarriage have all ended in divorce.  I know the mom's 2nd marriage broke up largely over conflicts about the son...he brags that he broke them up, and sadly it seems that he pretty much did.  He moves back home the month his stepdad moved out, and hasn't left except for the unpleasant month he spent with us.

I should clarify that my DH did really try hard to discipline DSS in high school, give him some structure and stability.  He lived with each parentb 50/50. But every time he'd get his iPhone taken away or get grounded with Dad, he's just go stay with his mom and refuse to come back.  That's what he still does now when DH reminds him about money, etc...he just doesn't return calls or come visit for weeks.  So when he finally does visit, my DH doesn't want to make it unpleasant by bringing up the debt.  He plays him perfectly!  Just has DH felt guilty about the divorce, I really think he feels guilty about having another baby now and is working overtime to make sure DSS is not jealous.  So DSS parlayed that into another loan!

PP's above are right that I should just try to come to peace with never seeing any of that money. But I fantasize about getting DSS alone and saying, "I love your dad too much to show him your Instagram pics from when you were supposedly sick. You don't deserve a father who is so decent to you after how much you have hurt him.  Grow the fuck up and show some decency to your father." That would probably just result in him not seeing us for even longer and then hitting up his heartbroken dad for more guilt money in a Few months, though.

Thanks so much to everyone for your kind responses.  I was afraid I'd get walloped here---probably rightfully for enabling my DH's enabling, at the very least -- but I appreciate the kindness more than I can say.[/quote]

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