Reply to Primal scream...or sigh, because I have no energy to scream

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[quote=Anonymous]I am sitting here pumping milk for my nearly 4-month old, way past what should be my bedtime, feeling utterly depressed and overwhelmed.  Just putting this primal scream, or maybe a pathetic primal sigh, out into the universe in the hopes of being embraced with empathy or suggestions or hope of some sort:

I'm back at work and I miss my baby more acutely than I imagined was possible.  It physically hurts to be away from him.

I hate my job.  I try to be grateful to have a job after being unemployed for 3 years a few years ago.  I have health insurance for our family, a great thing.  But I'm constantly needed by over 70 people that I support in my position, and I'm overwhelmed and can't help anyone quickly enough.  Before the baby, i'd work late a few nights a week to keep up.  Now I can't do that, and I spend the day feeling like a disappointment to everyone and just missing my baby like crazy.

We haven't yet found a day care for the baby.  I missed out on a spot in a good family day care, and every one I have seen since then is just not good in comparison, not even close.  My baby was a preemie and he's so happy now, so content, and it scares the life out of me to put him somewhere where he might not get much attention, might have to cry to be noticed.  He trusts me and his dad to be there, and we have been.  I haven't found anyone that I trust at all yet, despite so many many many interviews and home visits.  I can't quit my job.  My DH has been on paternity leave but we're running out of time.

My mom has Alheimer's.  She just found nodules in her breasts at a mammogram last week.  She lives 300 miles away.  I am so tired at the end of every day I don't knew how I am going to visit her or support her from a distance.

My milk supply is low.

We saw a mouse in our house this week.  In our bedroom.

I am underwater in a condo I had before I got married, and it's currently vacant.  We out it up on craigslist this week after having it vacant for over a year because we didn't have time to finish renovating it.  We've thrown unbelievable amounts of money away procrastinating on getting the renovations done.  We lines up two showings this week and neither person is interested.  I'm too tired to go work on it more and stage it for better showings.  I should hire a babysitter and work on it in the evenings, but I miss the baby ago much he's all I want to do after work.

By the time I get home from work, my baby only has 2 hours or so before he falls asleep for the night.  I miss him so much.

Primal...whimper.[/quote]

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