Reply to Uninvited mom with history of lack of support from visiting around baby's birth

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think you handled this very well. Your mother can't be what you need. That isn't who she is.  You are demanding something from her that she can't give and then you are punishing her for it. That's really not fair to her.

It is awful to have a parent that you need something from and can't get. I had a mom like that. I understand how you feel. At the same time, you are never going to get what you want/need from her. You have to accept her for who she is. She isn't going to be someone different. Ever. Punishing her by cutting her off entirely is just causing drama and strife and unhappiness.  You need to accept her for who she is and accept what she can give to you. If she can't meet your needs for  mothering, find someone who can mother you. You might start with a therapist.

Call her back and apologize and tell her that you are stressed out and emotional.  Tell her that you will reschedule for a time when you are less emotional and hormonal. If she insists on coming, get her a hotel room, or get yourself a hotel room and hide. [/quote]

For the love of God, no.  No.  A thousand times no.

OP isn't cutting Mom off entirely, just telling her that she shouldn't come to "help" when she has the baby.  She is absolutely entitled to make sure the people who are around her actually will "help" her after she gives birth, and be a source of comfort and assistance.  Accepting her mother for who she is means accepting that she won't be a help, and making other arrangements (which is precisely what happened here).  It does NOT mean that Mom is entitled to come and act however she wants.  Good grief.  [/quote]

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