Reply to Love your in laws but hate SIL?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is your relationship with your MIL such that you can sit down with her and state very calmly, kindly, but clearly that you prefer to have a one on one relationship with her (your MIL) and ask that she allow you to manage your other relationships with adult family members as you see fit, including deciding whom to invite to your home and when?

I think that's the first thing: a polite assertion of your authority in managing your own relationships.

As for seeing SIL at your ILs home, know that's a given and adjust how often you go over accordingly.  Realize too that your MIL chooses to place a requirement that you interact with SIL in order to interact with MIL--she could choose not to put you in that position, at least not so often or only at holidays, but your and DH's feelings just aren't that important to her.  It sounds like your friendship just isn't as important to her now that her DD is back around and needs her.[/quote]

I told my mother in law over the phone once that we miss seeing them and that preserving adult relationships is important (she was telling me that it is all about the kids and everyone needs to get a long for them). She didn't really respond and said well, we know how busy you all are (we just had a baby).  For her insisting that we invite SIL - we invited them to lunch, she accepted and then emailed me suggesting that we switch lunch to her house (to make things easier on me) and that she also planned on inviting SIL.  I called and asked her not to change our plans and that we'd consider inviting SIL.

I agree that it doesn't seem like my friendship is as important to her, which hurts.  I asked my in laws once if I had done anything to upset or offend them because if so, I'd like to correct it.  They said I had done nothing.  Not sure what more I can do but am definitely hurt about the turn our relationship has taken.  I used to enjoy holidays, visits, etc.[/quote]

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