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Reply to "Boundaries. "
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[quote=Anonymous]It really depends on the relationship. There are things I'd never share with most of my siblings such as finances, marital relationship issues besides a funny anecdote or two. They don't pry and neither do I. We only share what we feel comfortable with. My mom and I are closer and I talk to her more about these things and she does the same. My DH and his siblings and FIL don't really chat often and never talk about anything more than general well being. We did have to set firmer boundaries with my family on treating me like an outsider. I left my family's faith and am the only one who doesn't live close, which some members resent. We did this by only visiting a few times a year for short visits and suggesting gatherings with activities, thereby limiting the whole Thanksgiving Dinner type of scenario where folks sit around and dogpile on and pick fights. I also had to make clear to the worse offenders it was a new day and such behavior wouldn't be tolerated. We also had to set firm boundaries with my inlaws when it came to religion and attempts to force conversion. Again, we made it clear such attempts wouldn't be tolerated, the consequences of continuing (getting cut off). We took the firmest measures with the truly toxic relatives--my selfish brother and two callous BILs and their wives. Each of these people were unkind during several pregnancy losses. One BIL didn't attend our wedding because we are of different faiths. Another BIL resented being called out for his financial mooching and he and his wife's subsequent passive aggression when the gravy train was cut off. My DH and I made it clear we neither want nor need their toxicity in our lives. We let them know that if at some point their behavior changes we'll gladly deal with them, but until then such unkindness is unacceptable. Has worked like a charm and warded off additional drama. I don't know if that helps, but fwiw, the common theme of "stand your ground" when it comes to boundaries works wonders. [/quote]
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