Reply to heading into middle school, what do you wish you had known or wish you had done?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ill echo a few things.  One thing I feel like I did right early on was to instill good habits (never procrastinate, break projects down into small parts and set a schedule, etc.) and make my expectations clear.  Homework was never optional starting in kindergarten. Kids were taught to be responsible for their work as their age and maturity allowed.  So we started with a great foundation.

Monitor texts and online activity.  You'll be amazed at the stupid things kids do and it's a great opportunity to teach social skills as well as monitor for things you don't want them doing. And, it gives you an idea of your child's interests beyond what they talk to you about.  Also monitor photos.  Keep ahead of technology.  I missed the Instagram memo and it caused problems- took me weeks to get rid of adults posing as kids who had connected with my oldest.  Also, I missed a few online games where my kids could be friended - no harm, no foul here for us, but I was lucky.

Use middle school to teach your kid to be independent even if it means he/she fails at some things.  Not much about middle school counts but once they leave middle school, everything does.  So it's your window of opportunity.  I started by managing through Edline to teaching my kids to manage themselves through Edline.

Don't make punishments/consequences too onerous.  It's a fragile time.  If you give what you later think is an unreasonable consequence or punishment, figure out a way to take it back without losing face with your kids.

And, if your child can get involved in a sport or some activity, he/she will get an identity, which brings respect.

Do your best to keep communication open in case there is bullying or problems.  I had a few occasions where I had to go to work late because it wasn't until the reality of getting on the bus that one of mine could tell me about serious problems.  The fact that I did go in late so that I could take care of my son really promoted his trust in me.

Learn to talk to your child about everything - pimples, sex, hair, Christmas gifts for boyfriend/girlfriends, shaving, hygiene, manners, being thoughtful.  They need a lot of guidance in middle school on this and you have to figure out how to talk without embarrassing or alienating your child.  i bet i have 20 mini conversations about this sort of thing everyday.  you didnt wash your face well enough - it has oily spots, you texted that girl too many times without waiting for a response, maybe you need a second shower today, I cant smell toothpaste and I'm sure you just,brushed your teeth so maybe you need to go back over them, I didn't see a weeks worth of underwear in the laundry this week, I took a look at Edline and it looks like you're missing some homework, etc.  As an aside, it's unbelievable how much boys start to stink, especially their feet.

Pick your battles.  If it doesn't matter, let your child deal with the natural consequences.  For example, mine fight coats and long pants.  I bought them coats that roll up onto a ball the size of a grapefruit.  They have to leave the house every cold day with the coat, but once the door was closed, I didn't ask and they didn't tell.  They never did wear the coats, but they also never complained about the cold and they never got frostbite.

I have moved on to high school and can honestly say that middle school years were great.  There were moments, but just moments.  The school curriculum was amazing and my kids turned into these really interesting people who became capable and responsible.

Just outstanding advice.  MS boys are idiots.  Nice idiots but they need to be supervised at every turn especially in the hygiene area.

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