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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I went through something like this with an older relative, I found that people were generally pretty understanding - they could see how embarrassed/shocked I was and they would just roll their eyes and give me a knowing smile.  [/quote]

We are in the process of moving her out of a nursing home to my house, and when I went to get some of her belongings she called one of the black nurses a racial slur in a very derogatory manner!  I almost fell over.  I apologized profusely to the nurse, but she just told my grandmother to call her by her name and told me it was ok.

I just don't want her to think that our family talks like that, my grandmother never did while I was growing up.[/quote]

I know....it can really feel like a reflection of your family in general - like your closet racists or something.  It goes beyond embarrassing, it's shaming.  Even when people are understanding about it,  you want to explain that your loved one NEVER talked like that (or thought like that) when they were well.

I don't know if they are remembering way back to a time when people did talk like that or if they are parroting something that they've heard another patient/resident say.  It's baffling, I feel for you.[/quote]

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