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[quote=Anonymous][quote]You have a right to be annoyed at your stepmother for interfering in a know-it-all manner; but you should also consider her position on its own merits.

One way of thinking about it is that ADHD also means poor emotional control. So discussing the matter with a psychologist could actually help you navigate your child's emotional immaturity and give you tools to stave off melt-downs and increase communication. For example, having a set routine, more structure and boundaries is extremely helpful and reassuring for the child!

My son was diagnosed with ADD at 5, after years of being labeled socially immature - now we suspect he actually has High-functioning autism, with perhaps ADD thrown in. The 2 biggest hurdles he has to face at 8 right now are executive functioning (he is very slow/disorganized) and social awareness (making/keeping friends). This is to tell you that labels are fluid and overlap, and you can look at the same set of issues from different standpoints to gain a better understanding of them. [/quote]

OP here. I agree with what you're saying, in principle, and I was actually hoping I could have a productive conversation with her about behavioral management, emotional regulation, etc. I think a psychologist could be very helpful--but she just insisted to my face that "DS does not have neurological issues, he does not have ADHD" on pretty much no basis, so she shut down any conversation and basically said "Your doctor is wrong. This is what I do" but did not give me any reasons why she felt our son did not have ADHD.  So, she acted like we were challenging her expertise. But she did not see his tests or evaluations, she hasn't tried to work with him on fine motor, or seen his visual processing deficits, hasn't seen him in a stimulating environment when he has a meltdown, hasn't seen him react to noise in particular, etc---nor does she think that the fact that DH, grandparent, uncle and first cousin have learning disabilities, etc, matters. Of course, she also insisted that DS's cousin, after having met him a few times, was 'definitely on the spectrum." This is a kid with serious learning disabilities, who has probably done 4 full neuropsych evals over the years, see a psychiatrist, educational consultant, goes to a specialized school, etc, and autism has never been mentioned. Many other language-based disorders, ADHD, executive functioning, etc, yes....[/quote]

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