Reply to FIL's GF is a sh*t-stirrer; how to deal?

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[quote=Anonymous]First, for DH's sanity, he should have a heart-to-heart with his father and express that DH needs to have some private father-son time for just the two of them, even if it is only going out to dinner just the two of them once every several visits.  He then can vent and tell things to his father without the constant eavesdropping, unpleasant critical commentary, etc from the GF.   He should tell his father that if they can meet once in a while just the two of them, then he will behave and play nicely with the GF the other times they visit.  Having even infrequent time alone should help him maintain his cool the other times when he has to put up with the GF.

I agree that you need to contact the GF before their visit for DS's birthday and spell out the rules for her as 15:27 suggests.  Tell her  that you will let her know when she is behaving inappropriately and when she needs to dial back her behavior or go into the next room to avoid a scene.  When she denies and says "Who me?" you can respond, "Good, I'm glad that we won't have to have a scene at the birthday party because you won't cause a scene."  Then when (note, not if) she says something inappropriate, just say "Gloria, you remember what we talked about?  This is one of those times."  and if she tries to play innocent and deny it just say "Gloria, why don't you step into the kitchen for a few minutes."  and if necessary, escort her there.[/quote]

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