Reply to Issuing parents an ultimatum

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]FWIW, it's not really an uncle.  It's a drug addicted, mentally unstable, manipulative, physically violent and prone to breaking the law, sibling.[/quote]

I dunno.

They're not going to boot him out if you cut off contact. They're going to let you go.  They just can't do it. He is their child and they are trying to help him as best they can.

My grandmother let my ex-con, convicted murderer, drug dealing uncle live with her until her death. He physically abused her. We called social services and the police. She lied to them about the abuse. He stole her money and sold all her jewelry. We called the police. She lied to the police. He beat her and may have caused the fall which caused her death. She said in the ER "He's knocked something loose this time!" but lied to the police when I called them to say that he had beaten her and she was hospitalized. She would have done anything to protect him. She died protecting him.

Your choice is whether you want your parents in your life or not. That's it. If you want your parents in your life, then you're going to have to accept that they are going to take care of him.  You can set boundaries around  your relationship with them (Not going to holidays at their house, not seeing them if he is present, not sending money, not taking on care-giving, calling social services/police if there is any sign of abuse) without cutting them off.

Or you can cut them off.

Giving them the "Come to Jesus" talk might make you feel better and it might not. I've had a few of those talks myself and in every one of them the addict/co-dependent turned on me like a cobra and had a ton of things to say about what was wrong with ME. In my experience, those talks don't work and don't make me feel better.

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