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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a strained relationship with my mother, and nearly cut off all contact this winter. However I realized that I could not change her but merely change my reactions to her behavior.

DH and I have decided to set even stricter boundaries that we had before: for example, my parents can come and visit at predetermined times. We will not stay at their house to get sucked into their drama all over again. I find they behave much better in my house :-)

Could you do that? Then you could see your parents and not your uncle.[/quote]

Maybe.  We have drawn those kinds of boundaries in the past, and they wore down in the face of constant nagging/guilt tripping from my mother.

The thing is, having Uncle in their lives seriously makes them unhappy (Mom anyway).  I know they are doling out waaaay more money than they are comfortable with, and when he gets "the way he gets" she is legitimately frightened of him and scared to cross him due to his physically violent reactions.  She is prone to depression and he makes it worse, then she gets mad at my dad for not seeing it/being upset also.  I hate what he does to them - they worked so hard their whole lives to enjoy these retirement years, and they could if this (manipulative, druggy, mentally unstable) parasite would just go away.

So not seeing him, but still having to deal with the emotional fallout... would be a slight improvement, maybe.  That'll be fun, come Christmas.  Pass the wine.[/quote]

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