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[quote=Anonymous]MIL is in many ways a lovely woman, but has untreated mental illness - probably depression, but from DH's description of her behavior during his childhood, I suspect bipolar disorder is a possibility; I've just never seen her manic.  She was abused as a child herself.  She apparently "tried" treatment once, sometime during the 70s, didn't like it, and never tried again.  DH has talked to his parents about how he resents much of his childhood as a result.  They were very loving in most ways but when the primary caregiver is prone to tears/hysteria over the most minor of difficulties and occasionally disappears into her room for weeks at a time . . . DH was not receiving the best parenting.  Anyway, she's nearly 70 now and still untreated and still prone to depression.  She rarely leaves the house.  FIL seems stable and kind and loving but oddly submissive in the face of her tantrums and depression.  He kinda lets her take charge, which seems strange.

Anyway, the question is that I'm not sure how much responsibility I want them to have for my infant daughter.  They don't live nearby but they increasingly want to spend more time with us and have talked about coming out to replace daycare for extended periods of time, babysitting while we go on vacation, or even having baby girl stay with them for part of a summer when she is school-aged.  As grateful as I am at the idea of help - my folks are great but don't have a lot of time - I was nervous about leaving her with them for 2 hours so we could go to dinner last time they were here.  They weren't physically abusive or neglectful; they just weren't great parents.  I guess I should broach the issue directly and honestly with them or make my partner do it.  But I don't know how.  I don't want to cut them off from their grandchild and it's not my job to tell them they were shitty parents.  Just "Until you seek treatment for your depression, I don't really want you to spend time alone with baby girl"  or perhaps not an ultimatum:   "I know you love baby girl and we want her to spend more time with you.  I wish you would seek treatment for your depression.  It would be the best gift you could give to baby girl."  Thoughts???[/quote]

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