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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your husband and sister both sound like jerks. And you sound like a bit of a doormat.

Tell your husband: "Your family is always welcome. But it's important to me to be a good hostess and I need advance notice to be able to do that. Scheduling your family without letting me know is disrespectful."

Tell your sister: "I'm disappointed that we won't be vacationing together because I was really looking forward to spending time with you/your family. The way you went about rescheduling the vacation made me feel like you don't value our relationship."[/quote]

Ive done this.  And i'm no doormat that's the point.  How do I deal with this.despite making it perfectly.clear to them that what they are doing I'd both disrespectful and hurtful.  I've said these exact things but it doesn't change.[/quote]

Don't clean the house, don't buy groceries, don't prep in any way for DH's family to visit. When they arrive and DH freaks about the state of the house or lack of food, say "Oh, well I figured you were handling it since you scheduled it." Then let him deal. [/quote]

This.  Make it clear in advance that if you are not consulted about scheduling his family's visits, you will take no responsibility for those visits.  And then don't.  Don't clean, don't shop, don't prepare, schedule things however you would schedule them if the family was not coming.

You cannot change other people, you can only change your reaction to them.  [/quote]

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