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[quote=Anonymous]Agree with others that you need to have a serious conversation with your husband about the level of contact he wants with his mom.  If he doesn't know/can't say/shuts down/etc. then he or both of you should do some sessions with a therapist to figure it out.

I had a similarly dramatic childhood with a mentally ill mom.  I had minimal contact with my parents for several years.  My mom is doing a lot better, but I have to set firm and specific boundaries with her, and I will not have contact with her if she doesn't abide by those boundaries.

I gave up most of my childhood for her mental illness, and I'm not sacrificing any more.  My mom is a very sweet lady, but she will always be a taker emotionally, so while I love her I don't feel like I get a lot from our relationship.  I'm a successful happy person, but I will always be dealing the fallout of growing up with my mom-and I assume that is also true of your husband.

Once you figure out your family rules, I think there are two main responses and the one you choose will be based on your personality.  You can either be direct and firm.  Or you can ignore, deflect, and defer.  Either way, if you are comfortable in your decision, you need to let go of guilt.[/quote]

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