Reply to DH doesn't include me in decisions that affect us as a family

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Reply to "DH doesn't include me in decisions that affect us as a family"

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[quote=Anonymous]Jesus, ignore the divorce-recommending PPs, OP -- they are the definition of "unhelpful."

It's not surprising that your DH is having a bit of a learning curve here.  But you're right: you two are a team, and that team has to come first, before yourselves individually, before your respective families, before friends.  And you have an absolute right to have a say in who stays with you -- in fact, you have veto power (as does DH), not that you should use it indiscriminately.

First off, pick a time to discuss this when there isn't an ongoing crisis, and when you're both in a good mood.

Second, frame it as a discussion: you guys are now in a marriage, which means you both have veto power over significant decisions that directly affect your family.  So, you both need to figure out how to deal with that.  With my husband, that means that we need each others' ok on money commitment's over $250, for example.  And we would never commit to overnight visitors without checking with the other first.  But that also means that we trust each other to be generous and understanding, and never to use the veto power unless it was clearly critically necessary.

So you both need to talk about whether you trust each other that way -- and if not, why not.  Once that's established, you set your rules.  This is going to be a process, one that requires both of you to give, so don't expect it to be solved all at once.

Good luck![/quote]

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