Reply to DH doesn't include me in decisions that affect us as a family

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[quote=Anonymous]I am a newlywed, so DH and I are still sorting some things out and establishing dynamics, boundaries, etc.  I am looking for some contructive advice from more experienced couples about how to get DH to include me in decisions that affect us both.

DH hasn't yet transitioned from "him" to "us."  DH's family is kind of a mess.  There is always something going on & he feels compelled to help in any way he can.  We have had two big fights recently about him agreeing to give his brother money ($2K, and likely more to follow) and letting his brother stay with us temporarily.  I have repeatedly that he has to consult with me about decisions that affect us both, that he cannot commit us to things like this without talking to me.  He barks back that it is his family, that he has to help them, that there isn't another option, that he doesn't have to consult me, etc.

On some level, he knows that he does have to consult with me, but I am guessing he feels a little emasculated by having to get "permission."  I try to re-frame this as us being a "team" with varying degress of success.  After our fight about $, he agreed that he would talk to me before committing our resources.  Then last nigth he thanks me for being so understanding and for letting his  brother come stay with us . . . sreeeeeech -- what?!  This is what I mean by he knows that he has to run it by me, but he is so clearly not doing it in a way that gives me any input.

Please don't tell me I'm screwed or that I married the wrong guy.  That ship has sailed.  I am looking for genuine advice on how to change this dynamic and create more of a partnership.  DH will not go to counseling.  Thank you.

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