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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]jeez people are annoying.

i'm in your situation and here's what my fiance and i are doing.

1) there are books on the subject, and most of them sort of seem to say: go slowly, be patient, be creative, talk.

2) in the categories of go slowly for our family, we started a once a week ice cream date with all kids. we just want them to have face time togehter in a low-key fun way. we'll inch our way to a routine of some kid with a meal and then outings plus a meal.

3) we've decided to try to implement all other kinds of changes well ahead of time, to de-couple them from any kind of family merging. so for instance, i think my DS goes to bed a lot earlier than my fiance's kids, (he's a lot younger), so i've asked my fiance on the nights he has his kids over to move their bathtime earlier and then read to them downstairs. small stuff, but to make that a normal part of the routine before other changes come. we have slightly different "food" rules, so we've decided that we both need to start reinforcing with our separate kids some of these shared rules.

4) we'd like once we're farther along, but before we move into the same household, to start a family meeting, to talk about all teh things we have to decide as a family unit. i felt that if we could get this routinized before the drama of a combined household, we'd have a stronger foundation for dealing with all the upsetting things that can happen once we're under the same roof.

most of the books say that the two paretns in question have to talk a lot about situations, discipline for instance being a very tricky thing. we've agreed we need to make sure we give ourselves a lot of privacy and time together to talk through  how things are going and how we wish the other were handling something differently.[/quote]

Thank you for your response. When you found the books did you just search blended family? Did you come across anything dummy proof ? Anything that covered when one exspouse doesn't want to play nice?
Thanks again for ALL of your response.[/quote]

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