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[quote=SarahandtheAteam]I realize every situation is unique and that retaining a lawyer is recommended no matter what... but my husband and I would like to try to get this done ourselves and retain an attorney if we hit a point that we can't get past on our own.

the situation is this:
 I got pregnant in 2005 in WA state. Bio (Putative, according to the attorney i had a free 30 minute consult with) Father left me high and dry around month 5 of pregnancy.
 I moved to VA around 6 or 7 months pregnant, went through rigmarole that is the state benefit program and was required to file a child support case in order to attain benefits... and on top of that, was required to name any potential fathers of the child. I named one person- the actual bio father- and went along with life. 
Had son in 2005, left the "father" section on the birth cert blank. 
in 2006, got a notice (after not hearing from them since submitting my initial paperwork) from DCSE that they served Bio/Putative father with paternity test order. He does not show. Paternity has not been established. 
Putative/Bio father has not paid a cent of child support/evaded contact
P/BF has never seen/had any kind of contact with son, who is now 7 years old. 
I googled P/BF to keep track of him over the years and recently discovered he'd been jailed and held without bond, accused of molesting a 3 year old child he knew. He is currently still in jail.

SO. my questions: I have been reading the section of VA law code regarding adoption and i'm getting conflicting info on what would be considered "Legal Notice"- I've been told three different things- that we have to send him notice via certified mail (and if that is true, do we just mail it to the jail?? or is there an official route we have to take through the court system to do that?); the other information we got from Family Services is that all we have to do is run an ad in the local paper (here, or in AZ, where he is in jail?) for 30 days.

If we have to contact him directly via certified mail and he goes through with the paternity test and refuses to relinquish his paternal rights, how likely is it that the judge or whomever decides this stuff will simply say "too bad, we'll just relinquish them for you based on your history and current situation" and allow us to go through with the adoption uncontested? P/BF has had every opportunity to contact me- i kept the same email address for years in case he tried emailing me- not one email. i wish now that i hadn't shut down that particular email address,though i'm not sure how i could prove that he didn't ever email me or contact me in any way. it's basically my word against his. he has no proof to show he attempted contact, becaue he didn't ever try.

Another question- are we really going to have to submit to home inspections and evaluations?? My husband has been the only father my son has ever known- we met when my son was around 6 months old and we've been together since. We have a very stable family life, husband has been employed with the same company for nearly 15 years now, we own a home, he attends school, etc.

this is all i can think of at the moment. i'm taking a break from an hour long research session on the topic and my brain is mush at this point.

anyway, i realize this is long and detailed and again, i realize it'd be easier to go through a lawyer but... lawyers are expensive and we'd like to try to do as much of this on our own as possible. I appreciate any responses- thank you in advance!![/quote]

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