Reply to My mother has cancer and is very ill. What is expected of me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would worry less about what is expected of you (by whom? your mom?  the world at large?) and more about what you want.  What will bring you some peace?  Seeing her, writing her a long letter, connecting with her by phone... or none of those.  Give it some thought and go with your gut.  [/quote]

I completely agree with this-very good advice. You don't owe her anything, but you owe yourself peace of mind. Think about what will work for you and make you feel at peace if she passes away. At the very least send a card, flowers and or a basket of fruit or something. I would consider going even if you fly in and fly out the same day. Give yourself the closure by briefly visiting, wishing her wellness and perhaps offering to get her a favorite treat or something. If 30 minutes is all you can handle, do it, then head back to your car, the train, the airport and treat yourself well for making the effort. If you think even this is more than you can handle given everything else on your plate, then go with what works for you.

If people try to guilt trip you for not doing enough, blah blah, ignore them and/or simply say this is not the person who truly raised you and nurtured you, but you are sending your well wishes in your own way.

My husband's mother was abusive during his childhood and a complete raging bitch when we had a relationship with her. If she was very ill, I would still send a card and encourage DH to visit if he can handle it. If I had to visit her I'd pop a xanex and keep it short.[/quote]

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