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[quote=Anonymous]This would really bother me.  I believe in helping family when they are really in distress and, especially if the distress is not of their making, like an illness or a natural disaster.  However, it sounds like their "money problems" are the result of specific and deliberate choices they made about how to spend their income, an income that would be sufficient if they made other choices.  I would sit down your husband and have a quiet, reasonable discussion about this, making sure to ask him why he feels it is appropriate to spend your family's money in this way and how you think that you two need to be more equal partners in making decisions about how and why to gift money since it is money that you both work to earn.  Maybe you could start by stating that your current system for paying bills isn't working since you don't feel like there is enough transparency about how family finances are being allocated.

I never spend more than a few hundred dollars without mentioning it to my husband first, just so that he is in the loop about where our money is going. For example, I will buy a reasonable amount of new clothes at the beginning of a season or pay for a necessary car repair without mentioning it to him, but would not replace an appliance or buy a new luxury item without letting him know first.  I certainly wouldn't buy something for someone else without talking to him because those need to be joint decisions.  If you can focus the discussion on your family's money culture and not on your BIL/SIL and their money choices, I think you will get farther than if your DH feels like you are accusing him of being too generous to his sibling. [/quote]

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