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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you need to figure out how to deal with your husband on this issue. Obviously he is not in control of where his parents move. Could he be less supportive of their decision? Maybe, but that that would make him a jerk also. Maybe he's actually happy his parents are moving closer to him.

Your FIL sounds like my grandfather. We were all walking on eggshells around him for years. My grandmother (before she got sick) catered to his every whim and made excuses for his shitty behavior. It was horrible to watch and I always felt shitty for participating in it. But it wasn't my relationship, so my take home message was that that was not the kind of marriage I personally wanted. I think the dynamic changes a lot when you're not on visitor-host terms. When family comes to visit us, it's often assumed that our regular routines should just stop. That everyone is suddenly on vacation together. I haven't had family move to the area, but I have had friends move to the area who have had similar assumptions when they've visited. The best you can do is establish your family routines independent of what your in laws are up to. This is why I say that you need to work on things WITH your husband. Throwing ultimatums at him and being as unwilling to compromise as he is to discuss is not going to win you any support - from him or anyone on this board. You need to figure out how to have this conversation respectfully with your husband like grown up partners.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to maintain appropriate boundaries with your soon-to-be local in laws. You could schedule a weekly dinner or brunch. You could schedule your husband and kids to go over and visit with his parents while you do something unrelated. They will only be as involved as you let them be. What you need to deal with is being on the same team as your husband. That will involve being a hell of a lot more grown up than threatening to divorce him and not speaking to him when he disagrees with you.[/quote]

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