Reply to ILs moving to DC: Help!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Focus on the behaviors.  And make your husband do the fighting.  That is the key to all of this.  People don't divorce their spouse because ILs move nearby. They divorce because their spouse is not supportive and undermines the other spouse.

If FIL criticizes your parenting, it's your husband who needs to respond: "Dad, you need to keep your comments to yourself.  Suzie and I make the decisions about how to raise our kids and we'll let you know if we need your opinion."  Husband needs to be "Team Suzie."

If you're worried about the kids getting overstimulated, then limit the time they spend with grandparents.

If you don't want to listen to FIL or have him in your home, figure out a schedule with your husband, ie one dinner a month with them. If he insists that they come over more, then you leave and he can host dinner for his parents.  No law saying you have to be present.

[/quote]

The PP is right.  You need DH on your team whether the ILs are 5 miles away or 500.  And it sounds like it is long past overdue for you to set some boundaries and speak up for yourselves.

You and DH need to talk about what's acceptable behavior and what isn't...and from there I think the point you want to make is that their lives shouldn't revolve around yours.  It's not healthy to put that burden and expectation on you.  I would hope DH would be able to have a conversation where he says that you all will be glad to have them nearby, but what research have they done about meeting all their needs/wants here, not just the need/want of being closer to family?  Put it back on them that their lives are still theirs to direct, not yours.

Tell DH that if FIL continues to treat you poorly, FIL won't be welcome in your home.  You can't control who moves where, but you can control who enters your home and keep those who act horribly to you out.  [/quote]

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