Reply to Advice on telling teenage stepdaughter that a new baby is on the way?

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[quote=Anonymous]DH has a wonderful, bright, loving, altogether delightful almost-14-year-old daughter (who has, thank God, not yet hit the eye-rolling obnoxious stage that I was in at her age!).  His daughter lives with her mom out of state; every other weekend, either DH flies there, or we both go there, or she flies to us.  In between, they talk/Skype/text almost daily (he always calls...sometimes she's not great about calling back.)  She is deeply attached to both her mom and her dad.  She definitely misses him; when they're together, she is glued to his side, soaking him in.  She has been incredibly gracious and welcoming to me as her stepmom and we have a very good relationship; I'm very fortunate in that regard.

My stepdaughter has always wanted a younger sibling.  As recently as last month, she mentioned to me that she still wished she had a little sister or brother.  Her mom remarried last year and she now has 3 step-siblings, but the youngest of those is just one year younger than she is, and she doesn't really get along with that step-sib.  So she's never gotten that little-sibling experience.

I am, after 3 miscarriages last year, 11 weeks pregnant now.  If our CVS comes back clear in a couple of weeks, we plan to share the news with our families.  I am anxious about telling my stepdaughter, though.  I know she wants a sibling -- but I worry that:

--She will feel like this new baby will usurp her in her dad's eyes (not possible, he adores her beyond measure, but how do you persuade a kid that the new baby won't deflect his attention?).
--She won't feel like this is a "real" sibling because it's not the product of her dad and mom.

Obviously when we tell her, we will emphasize that we are so excited about adding a baby and becoming a family of *four*.  And we will emphasize how important a role she has in this family, and what an amazing big sister she will be, even though she's not here every day.  And we will underscore that she'll still get one-on-one time with her dad.  Et cetera.  But I am still anxious.

Any advice from those who have been there?  Many, many thanks in advance.[/quote]

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