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[quote=Anonymous]Let me start by saying that in all other ways my DH is awesome – he is smart, attractive, and overwhelming giving. Whenever I read a DCUM thread about slacking husbands, my immediate though is that I am so so lucky I married the man that I did. But…

DH has some major intimacy issues. He is overwhelming uncomfortable talking about sex, expressing desire, or communicating affection other than with the standard kiss-goodbye or hello. In general, he’s a pretty introverted guy, so being-closed off isn’t totally out of character for him, but when it comes to sex, his inability to communicate seems extreme and really gets me down. I can recall exactly two times when he actually verbally volunteered information on what he was thinking regarding anything sexual, one of those was just to tell me he was really turned on, both times he had been drinking. He readily admits that intimacy is something he has always struggled with, but can’t or won’t elaborate. I’ve tried to be understanding but it’s really impacting my relationship with him. I crave feeling loved in a way that he just seems unable to make me feel. I hate pressing him on it, as he’s obviously uncomfortable and feels bad that he is this way, but we’ve been together almost 10 years now and I can’t imagine going on this way for the rest of our lives. For what it’s worth, he does seem to enjoy sex when we have it –which is currently about once a week, although I’d prefer more. Sometimes he initiates, sometimes I do.

So, my question to the DCUM world, has anyone had a partner with similar issues? How abnormal is this? And where do I go from here? He’d likely agree to see a therapist if I really pushed it, although given his aversion to discussing these things, doing so probably would be torturous for him and I’m hesitant to ask for that (not to mention that we don’t really have time or money for that right now).  I go through periods of thinking this is perfectly normal and nothing to worry about, but other times I feel like there must have been something in his past to make him act this way and we'd both be better off if it was addressed, or I start doubting myself and whether he is attracted to me. I only had one other partner prior to him, so don’t have a great frame of reference for these things. Any perspective from others would be appreciated!
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