Reply to did your marriage survive a long-term affair?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "did your marriage survive a long-term affair?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP - OP here again. Thank you. When I posted this morning I was hoping for something like this. I truly appreciate it.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like there may be a happy ending down the road for you though, and that is hopeful.

I wish DH had told me about it. I had to find it, and that hurts. He says it was over, but I think it had been "over" many times before but of course it wasn't. So I have no doubt it would have kept going unless I caught him.

Are you glad you separated for awhile? I'm trying to decide now if we should be apart to work this out, or together. Of course, with two very little ones, being apart means single momhood and that sounds awful in another way. I have two crap options here. But if I need to separate to work through this...then maybe I just need to do it.

What you said about how your DH grew up... I think mine is on Step 1 of that. He has a lot of steps ahead of him, but already we are father along than where we were one week ago I guess. It feels like a long road.

Thank you again. Will look into that book as well![/quote]

Glad I could help. Affairs are addictive, so I bet your husband was telling the truth - he probably did end it several times. Or tried to. Do you know anything about the other woman? Was she also married, etc.?

Separating was good, but it did allow the affair to go on (But who am I kidding, they found a way to do it while we were together). However in a sick way, I think that was important. He realized he had this freedom to do what he wants. I mean at that point, he could have just decided to end the marriage. So that is when things started getting complicated for him and the harms started outweighing the benefits.

When we separated though, he still helped out a lot so I wasn't a total single mom though it was hard. He still kept up basic responsibilities in the house and we coparented. In a way, it helped me grow stronger, facing life on my own and realizing I was going to be okay. I also worked hard to build my outside support system, which meant going out a bit more, etc. I think it was good ultimately.

You have all the tools you need to get through this. You will discover in the next few months an insane strength you didn't know you had. It's totally normal to be filled with rage at some moments and then with a crushing sadness that makes you weep. But it all leads some place. You won't be stuck there forever. You will feel good again and strong, and then you will have those moments and even days of rage and weeping. But they get less and less.

Don't make any rash decisions about the marriage now. Like another PP said, you have time. You are in control of what you want to do and your husband has to deal with that now. Do you work? I do, and it was hard to maintain a career in all this (and I still get distracted and come on support sites and DCUM to talk about things) but it was good to have that outlet also. Something else to focus on, and knowing I had something all mine that had nothing to do with him or our marriage. Do you have something like that?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics