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[quote=Anonymous]DS (light of my life and only) born at age 44, now age 15. DH and I were in perfect health at the time and full of energy. DS, got 10 apgar. So perfect baby, perfect family. Except that he is frail. Months sick as a baby. He just is not as robust as other kids are and frankly, we are not as robust as other parents, who are 15-20 years younger than we are. Spent last week at home sick. Went back to school, broke a bone, back home again. Multiple doctor visits--bone problem.  I looked at his school record. 10+ days a year sick during school--every year. He is accident prone from some medical issues -- again you cannot see them. There are many old farmer jokes about older breeders that have an unfortunate ring of truth. Would he be stronger if his mother had been younger? Ask a doctor--sobering.
 
DH and I had some health issues in our mid 50s, when he was 9. I wish he had not had to go through that with us. We do not look the slightest bit ill, but unfortunately there was not a full recovery. Awkward to say the least. There are times when he has to help us.

Motherhood after 40 is not the same as in your 30s. I wish it were. Energy wise, there is no comparison. He is a great kid -- the best ever, but so much of his life has passed by in a haze of exhaustion. We don't remember many of the "moments" If it wasn't for money we would be sunk, and he would be our caretakers, as he was for some time at 9. We put an enormous amount of energy into acting "normal" for him, for ourselves, to have a family. This would not have been necessary or even an issue if we had had him 10 years earlier.

I understand if having your child in your 40s is the only possible way. What can you do? But to say it’s just the same, go for it, no problem. It just is not like that, and it is annoying to have someone who is in their 30s tell the story of how it is all the same, and in your mind. How I wish I could wish away our health issues!  Maybe others are far more comfortable with their kids taking care of them during their children's childhood. So many of the stories on the internet about older parents seem to end at the birth. As if there was nothing else involved after that. Any mother knows differently.
We know 4 other families who also are older with older DCs. They are having much the same experience. (They are not writing on the internet!) Fortunately, we/they have money. We are not rich, but we have a cushion that allows for our steadily decreasing energy, and outsourcing. It is not a luxury for us – it is a necessity.
When I say older parents, I do not mean older as in 32, I mean older as in 42+. There is a big difference in those years; even in the years between 38 to 42. Five years is a long time -- the whole of the preschool years, college + a year, MS + HS.
It is something to consider. IMHO it is not a "just go for it!!" sort of decision. The reason I say you can't "see" them is posters saying the older parents are "just fine!" just don't understand that they may not be as fine as they look -- nor are they sharing their health issues.
People who see us together think -- how sweet he is to his grandmother (oops that slipped out at the grocery store). What a nice boy, so strong and tall. How I love him!

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