Reply to What to do when you don't like your DD's choice of friend?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DD (13) has an again off again relationship with a friend who has caused her endless problems, and gotten her into trouble at school.  This girl has  emotional problems and leads to endless needless drama, and many hours wasted time on fb, hanging out, etc. She has  charisma, but she is not a good influence on my DD. Life was great without her, but now she is back :( What to do? Please, my DD is easily influenced, and the other girl has friends -- it is not that we need to "help " her.[/quote]

Try not to tell her "no" directly...most kids will want what they aren't supposed to have.

By the same token - for us - we talk about "wise choices" and "be prepared".   To paraphrase myself:

I've told my DD in a similar case - that you should work your way to the top, not sink down to the bottom.  That "Girl X" may have changed - but be careful (and use the past as your guide).  Mom and dad aren't going to tolerate if DD's grades/behavior slips.  We have seen that before with Girl X and DD....and we can't be responsible for Girl X.  But our expectations are still high for DD.  Suggest that DD become a better friend and lead Girl X to make better choices - otherwise we'd recommend that DD choose other friends.

Seems to have worked for us..[/quote]

Oh, ick . . . "work your way to the top"?  Seriously?

I really try to teach my DD not to "rank" people.  If someone is troubled or struggling with something, it calls for compassion.  It doesn't excuse bad behavior and it doesn't require her to hang out with someone who makes her feel bad, but its possible to say "this is not the right person for me," without saying "I am above this person."

Its difficult to see what the issue is here.  "Endless drama and hours wasted on facebook" is pretty much life for many 13 year-olds.  If it wasn't this girl, there would still be drama and hours on facebook.  The getting in trouble at school is something else entirely.

You can't tell her not to be friends with someone.  Usually girls figure this out on their own.  The best you can do is not facilitate the friendship by making plans with the girl.  [/quote]

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