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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I keep hearing that there are kids with ASD/ADHD at all the mainstream privates, but it seems like they can do ok academically but never can fit in socially. Is there anything to prepare them?[/quote]

There are a few kids in every grade my kids are in at our mainstream private. My oldest is in middle school. My oldestchild has ADHD and anxiety (potentially ASD but unclear).

The kids with ASD are doing well socially and academically (according to the parents). The school does a lot to support the kids, and socially it’s such a small pool that kids are usually at least ok to each other. The kids with ASD seem to all have a friend group (definitely obvious on the play ground and at birthday parties).

But these kids have all been at our school since K or early elementary school, when the adults at the school can do a lot more to support friendships between the kids. I’m  not sure how it would go for new kids with ASD who enter in high school. [/quote]

Usually elementary school is kinder and parents can facilitate more, but by 4th/5th relationships require more interpersonal awareness and social deftness, especially with girls (honestly, with girls you can really see cliques forming in first grade). There is much less pressure to “include everyone” outside of school even if peer relationships in school are congenial. [/quote]

Pp here. Yes, even by 3rd grade the parents can’t do much. My oldest is going to high school soon and the mean girls/mean boys is definitely in effect, and their are definitely clear friend groups.

All that being said, ASD kids in my oldest’s grade seem to have friend groups. I am close friends with two of the parents and their children have a group (different groups). My DC (who struggles socially) has a few friends and gets invited to 2-3 birthday parties each year (at this age, they are very small so only good friends are invited and it’s not driven by parents at all). I see similar in my younger kids grades.

The caveat being that kids who need some more support likely leave (by their own choice or being counseled out-the school does keep that private), so in some ways the folks who are still here are the kids who are able to do well with the supports the school does offer.

I personally see DC’s social struggles a lot more at summer camp, where the kids are dropping in based on interests and there is no longer history. That’s why I made the comment about how I’m not sure how new kids with ASD would do socially at our school if they come in after early elementary ages - the school can’t do that much other than offer clubs, and parents let their kids lead on developing friendships. 
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